FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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