Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Shame - the story of my life.
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