Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
