I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
