Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
