If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Randomize
