I can't watch pbs sober anymore
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
