She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize