Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
