You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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