New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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