the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
