just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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