quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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