i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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