who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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