I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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