So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
