You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
