The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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