it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize