she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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