So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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