Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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