Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
