What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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