; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
