The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
