a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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