I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
