Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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