I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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