I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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