Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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