We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
