The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize