I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
