the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
