True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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