Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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