I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
