So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
