yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
