Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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