Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
