: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
