It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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