I think I died a long time ago.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
