Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
FUCK WHALES
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
