Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
