Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have fence marks all over my body
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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