Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
