So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
