Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
