Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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