Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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