I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
