i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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