My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
