I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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