I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
