I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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