its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
