Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
