guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
my poor anus
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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