i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
