When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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