yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
