his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
