you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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